Today would have been my six months without self-harming, but unfortunately, I had to start the count over. There have been two slips in the last week. I was pretty upset about this. (In a way, I still am.) My dietician reminded me of what I wrote to a girl in my group -- I hope she doesn't mind that I am posting this. It is funny how you can tell someone else exactly what you need to hear.
"Thank you for sharing your slip with us. That is what it is, my dear, a little slip. It is not a failure.... No one succeeds in recovery (or in anything for that matter)
by perfection. So what if you didn't make it 75 days? So what if I didn't make it six months? We still overcame something. We still did something neither of us thought we could.
Girl, you rock!
ED found a window to crawl through tonight, but you get to choose whether or not he stays in the house. Go out there and kick him off your couch. (Trust me, he doesn't like any of the good TV shows, or have anything good to talk about: he is a lousy house g
uest.) This is not your old life. You do not need ED to help you survive this depression you feel coming on. He may have kept you above water in the past, but now you have so many more tools. (Plus, you have US!) I know from personal experience how easy the depression can make it to cling to behaviors, but you don't have to. You can chose to believe you will get through it. You can chose.
I know this battle is long and hard. I know it seems like you are never going to win. (I am there with you, sometimes.) But you have to keep on believi
ng. Ed capitalizes on the times we feel like he is winning. Remember what you are in this fight for. Remember how good it feels to experience those moments of joy and happiness. Remember and know you are not alone. "
"Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up." - Chinese Proverb
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