Another Letter

Dear Body,

Over the past four years, I have put you through torture. I cut your flesh, starved you, berated you with abusive comments and hateful slurs, violently stuffed you full of everything but what you truly needed, forced you to sacrifice all-- even the positive-- you held, and never let you rest: pushing you to do just one more thing. Yet you, my God-given companion, stayed with me. You persevered through the stress. I been kept alive in your care even though you would have justified in quitting: in letting me go.You should be proud, body.
Because I have become so distrustful of the world, every negative emotion has been harbored deep within me and taken out on the only safe place: my very own body. For that, I am truly sorry. It is not, after-all, your fault I have only ever known broken promises, lies, changes, and losses. No, you have been the opposite of all of that. I hope if you can't forgive it, you can at least understand why I took advantage of your virtue .It was wrong. I would do anything to change the hateful things I thought about your thighs on the school bus in elementary school and your reflection in middle school, but that is the past. The precedent was set and ingrained throughout the years. That is why it is so hard to change the pattern now. I try. I fight for you, but sometimes it is too hard. Sometimes I can't grasp another way to cope. I promise to keep trying, but I don't know if I am ready yet.I still feel bitter toward you. I still want to change you .I am still hurting. I still have no safe way to express that pain. Stay with me. Someday I will learn to love you. Someday I will treat you as you were meant to be treated.

-- Me