Discontent

I have been doing well on all accounts. My therapist says he is proud. My dietician smiles and tells me I am on the right track. I don't think about food, food, and only food. Yet with all of this progress, I stand in front of the mirror still angry. 

Why is it still so hard? I am still inadequate. I want the low-weight back: I felt okay about my body. I want the energy (yes not eating gives you a high) of starvation back. I want to be that productive again. I want... I want.. I want...

What about what I have?  My hair is healthy, my skin isn't dry, my nails don't break. I have friends. I can think about something other than calories, food, bones, fat... I found God again. I started painting again. I am not getting into wrecks. I have a clear brain. I am on time and (GASP) even early for things. 

Why is all that not enough. Why I am not glad for what I have? 

Discontentment: my current enemy.