Groceries

Lets talk about grocery shopping... 

It is really not rocket science. Every adult on the planet has to do it. It should be simple, easy, hell, even interesting at times. 

However... I find it to be a sick form of torture: I am forced to think about all the future meals I will eat. Also, I am forced to spend money-- what little I have-- on something I would still rather avoid.  Then half the time, when I get home, I stare at my stocked fridge and cabinets only to pull out the yogurt and a box of cereal and avoid the rest.  

All that to say: I still have some serious food issues. Since I have entered this wild world of Recovery, I have fallen into the belief that I should be long past all of my ED related fears. As I cried in the parking lot of the grocery store yesterday, I realized that I am not normal.

 My avoidance of food only to later eat junk = not healthy. My ritualistic eating of the same foods for weeks on end = not recovered. All the foods I don't eat = fear foods.

 I still have an eating disorder. 

I still have work to do. 

I still have a long way to go on this journey.