I am struggling with image today. The monster is in my head complaining, screaming, angry and with it I feel my body expand in parts. Stomach, thighs, arms, cheeks. I know that it is impossible they are larger than they were yesterday by more than millimeters, but it feels like more than that. I call these days, "fat days". I have heard people without EDs talk about "fat days", and I wonder if it is the same. I want to hear that it is not. I want to hear that people without EDs don't cry about how they look. I want to hear that they have never felt a sudden expanding of their own flesh (an imaginary expanding). Yet, I have a feeling that is not true. Why do we spend so much time hating ourselves? Why do these feelings haunt me? How do you make it go away?
READ THIS NEXT TIME YOU ARE FEELING HOPELESS
1 week ago