Trust

My independence is key to my identity. I am stubborn. I will do it myself. Whatever it is, I will do it. I am strong. I don't need to lean on other people. Or, at least, that is what I thought.

My therapist has been encouraging me to "attach". During my last session he related my refusal to attach to my issues with trust.

I want close, real, supportive relationships. I don't want to take risks. I think I am finally starting to heal: I am so afraid someone will reopen the wounds. I don't want help because if I ask and it is refused, I will never be able to take that vulnerability back. If I depend on someone and they "forget" or just "fail," where will that leaven me?

I won't be able to pretend I don't need. I won't be able to deny my wants. Not only that, but it also opens me up to the possibility of being a burden and thus having people leave me... for good.

I want to have a better life. I want to be able to start taking steps to trust, but I am not sure I can. I am not sure the risk is worth it.