Fear

My biggest fear? 

Being utterly alone. 

It all, in simplicity, breaks down to that.

Why do I think I am unloveable? 

Why do I always feel I have something to prove?

Why do I fight to hide my pain, my past, my heart? 

Why? 

Because I am afraid people will label me damaged goods, a burden, or just a mess. I am afraid they will shake their heads, turn and walk away. God forbid they hear the depths of my disorder: the blood, vomit, and starvation; because then they would turn on heels and run. 

Yet, they don't. There are people that won't. With every breath, however, I am afraid they will finally have had enough: I am too much. 

One person, one breath at a time; I am going to trust. One friend at a time, I am going to build a family that will stay with me. One step at a time.